Brain Dead 12 ½ studios presents:
                                                                       Sailor Moon D
                                      (A really bad joke that’s closer to the truth then you might think)

[Insert flashy opening here]

[We open on your typical anime villains throne room. Well typical unless you count the large number of bottles and syringes laying on the floor. At the end of the room is one of those needlessly ornate thrones on which sit a tall blue haired woman whose fiddling with a crystal ball]
Woman: God damn it! A whole damn world under my control and I still can’t get fucking cable!  Oh well. Get in here you freaks! [A small energy gyser erupts in front of here and a tall if slightly balding young man wearing a black uniform appears.]
Man: Scottie here but only for the beer. [A small tornado of condoms whips and such appears and a red headed girl  wearing a uniform a lot like the man’s except it’s showing some cleavage comes out of it.]
Woman: Jasminite reporting for duty, now get me some booty! [A loud farting noise is hear and a third person appears in spray of what appears to be beer. He’s wearing an old overcoat  (over standard whino attire) and a fedora]
Man: Boozite! [belches loud enough to shake the room]
Scottite: Damn it man I told you to lay off on the jello shots! [A spray of fine white power shoots up from the floor and a white haired woman dressed like the first two appears]
Woman: Crackite! Just tell me there’s more drugs right? [Finally a giant syringe appears. It splits in half revealing a black haired man whose also wearing a uniform and shaking like a leaf]
Man: Smackite…Where the fuck am I?
Scottite: Your in Delmore’s throne room stupid.
Smackite: Where’s that?
Scottie: Oy!
Delmore: Okay shut your pie holes! Get your flunkies gathered up we’re attacking earth!
All generals: Why?
Delmore: It’s in our contracts.
Scottite: Oh. For a minute I thought it might be because they all get more channels then you.
Delmore: Oh yeah I knew there was another reason.
Generals: Oy!
Jasminite: You sure there isn’t another reason? Like the fact you’re by an incredible coincidence Queen Beryl’s second cousin?
Delmore: No that would be silly. And I’m her third cousin.
Scottite: I keep trying to tell her sex rots the brain. Anyhow while we work on our incredibly vague plan why don’t you folks at home look in on our heroins? After all we’ve been on for about four minute and we haven’t had a panty shot.
Delmore: [Whacks him] Don’t talk to the camera you fool!  [Cut to the temple where the scouts are having another one of their meetings that doesn’t really serve any purpose other then to eat up running time.]
Lita: You know you’ve got a real big mouth.
[You’re not supposed to be able to see this part you fool!]
Lita: Whoops!
Raye: Crap why don’t you just go back to working in pornos?
Lita: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that miss Nippon deep throat!
Amy: [Fires a gun into the air] Can we all just try to stay in character here? Your gonna give the editor a god damned heart attack!
Serena: She fucked up the whole scene anyhow. We’re gonna have to start again!
Mina: Yeah let’s hurry this up my medication’ll kick in any minute!
Luna: So there it is girls. It looks like we’ve finally run out of enemies.
Serena: So what does that mean?
Luna: We’re out of a job.
Lita: Well good. I was getting tired of getting killed once a year anyway.
Mina: Yeah but what are we going to do now?
Amy: What do you mean?
Mina: Well monster killing skills aren’t really trans..
Amy: Transferable?
Mina: Thanks. Those big words always mess me up. Anyhow you can’t switch em to anything else.
Lita: You mean…..
Mina: Yep. Unless some other new evil comes along we’re going to have to [dramatic pause] have to live like real people!
All: NOOOOOOOOO!
Serena: I’m depressed…Let’s go to the arcade!
Lita: How’s that gonna help?
Serena: Well that’s usally where the plot picks up.
Everyone else: Oh….[Cut back to Delmores room]
Delmore: Well what are we going to steal? Life energy?
Scottite: Too cliché.
Crackite: Crystals?
Delmore: Done to death.
Boozite: Whiskey?
Scottite: Oh shut up…Wait a second! I just got a brain storm!
Everyone else: What?
Scottite: How about we steal all their t.v.s?
Jasminite: Great and I was about to suggest sexual energy.
Scottite: Well we can do that too. Send the ratings through the fucking roof!
All of them: YES!
Delmore: Alright that sounds good. Send out a flunky to start gathering the tvs then.
Scottite: Whatever tickles your fancy queenie. Okay let’s pick a flunky! [A huge wheel rises out of the ground which has several names [Including bankrupt and lose a turn on it] Okay give it a spin!
Delmore: [Spins the wheel. After a few moments it settle on the word Pug]
Scottite: Okay we’re sending Pug in on this one. [Pulls out a pistol and shoots the space which begins to glow. In a moment a large purple creature with a face that looks like it’s had a very close encounter with a brick recently appears]
Pug: Duh….
Scottite: Well what did you except on this show? Okay Pug we’re sending you to earth to gather some tvs. You do know what those are right?
Pug: I like fish….
Scottite: Boozite you haven’t been throwing up on the wheel of flukies again have you?
Boozite: I think I might have pissed on it.
Delmore: You wanna hurt him or should I?
Scottite: Look pug just bring use the things with the screens and the buttons alright?
Pug: Ham makes me fart…Sure.
Scottite: Right off ya go.
Delmore: Now we just sit back and watch.
Scottite: Pretty much. [Turns to the camera] That’s your cue you dope!
Delmore: Will you stop breaking the fourth wall?
Scottie: We’re working on the sixth one by this time.
Boozite: I gotta call my agent. [belch] [Cut to the arcade. The girls have just arrived and are engaging in their normal activities when Pug appears]
Pug: Get big things with screens and buttons…
Serena: What the…
Raye: You realize what this means?
All scouts: Our jobs are saved!
Lita: Okay let’s do it! [They all rush out while Pug starts grabbing arcade machines and trying to stuff them in a bag]
[Insert transformation stock footage here abouts]
Pug: Need a bigger sack…
Sailor Moon: Hold it!
Pug: Huh? [Takes one look at the scouts and falls down laughing]
Sailor Moon: What are you laughing about?
Pug: You look dumber then me!
Mars: You think I look stupid….! [Tries the usal fire stuff but Pug just jumps out of the way]
Jupiter: Hey! Your not supposed to do that! Didn’t you read the script?
Pug: I can’t read. Here try this! [Shoots a glowing brick out of his face that hits Serena right in the head and shatters]
Raye: Oh like your really surprised that happened!
Pug: Oh well. Looks like I’ll just have to beat the crap outta ya. [Pulls a large hammer out for nowhere. Begin fight scene. Basically it’s just all the scouts throwing their attacks at him while he keeps duck and occasionally bashing on of them in the head]
Moon: This isn’t fair! We’re the stars! [Starts crying]
Mars: Oh man…Get your plugs in everyone! [All the scouts put in ear plugs as Serena’s wail grows louder until she breaks everything made of glass in a three block radius.]
Pug: [His head is swelling as he holds his ears] Oh this is gonna sting….[his head explodes]
Mars: [Sneaks up behind Moon and gags her]
Everyone else: Thanks! [Cut back to Delmore’s room. All of them are staring at her crystal with shocked expressions]
Scottite: Guys did we see that or have the shrooms kicked in?
Delmore: I think we did.
Scottite: I though he’d at least be stealing the right things when they caught him.
Jasminite: So what now?
Scottite: What say we drop some cryptic foreshadowing and call it an episode?
Delmore: Sounds good to me. Drugs, tvs, the master. Thank you.
Scottite: And now for the kicker. [Cut away to Darien’s place where he and the outers are smoking a crack pipe]
Darien: Some part we got in this one.
Alex: Aww stop ya bitching and give me that damn pipe! (Three guesses which one that is)
Michelle: God damn it this is fine stuff! Anyhow the shows over, turn off that fucking camera!

[Closing]
[We see all the neo negaverse leaders on a large stage that has an odd hole in the center of it. Music starts playing and they sing as follows (Note: The song here is a slightly changed version of a song by Gwar the best band in recent memory.)]
Scottite: Shake free of all the crap in which you wallow
Delmore: Here’s your iron fist [Holds up her hand (she’s got an iron glove on)] all set for you to swallow
Scottite: Keep things going at full speed this and everyday
Jasminite: Come on let’s wake the master up and ditch this stupid place
Boozite: You might sleep on concert slabs or be a blithering bohab
Smackite: Yet your growth is exceptional if you consume the experimental [holds up sign reading “I have no idea what the fuck that means”]
Scottite: [speaking] It’s okay just sing.
All: Hey okay rock us everyday, and feel your brain cells melt away it’s our job to take your tv away, then we’ll jack your world!
Delmore: Now your in the master’s chamber corpses fill the tunnel manger
All guys: Jack jack the wolrd!
Delmore: This joke’s only so so
Guys: Jack jack the world
Delmore: I’m on my tippy toes
Guys: Jack jack the world
Delmore: But now I’ve gotta go
Guys: Jack jack the world
All: Hey okay rock you everyday and feel your brain cells melt away it ain’t so bad to steal your sex away then well jack your world…
[A pair of clawed hands with molted gray skin appear on the edge of the pit and a voice (that’s really not male or female) pips up]
Voice: I wanna suck like lovers do, I wanna lose your respect to I wanna kick the teeth outta you!
All: Jack jack the world!
Scottite: Well what do ya want for nothing?