Sailor Moon D
Episode 4:

Scottite’s group rate or the villains are actually being intelligent?

[Delmore’s place]
Scottite: And that’s my plan queenie. I got out with three flunkies and kick them sailors from here to the rock of Gibraltar.
Jasminite: Hold on a second here ain’t we jumping ahead a bit?
Scottite: Huh?
Jasminite: Where’s the opening? And the exposition? Goddamn it man don’t get over excited.
Scottite: You have to say that a lot when you date don’t you.
Jasminite: Yeah….That extasy works a little too well sometimes.
Scottite: Okay let’s start over.
Delmore: And roll the opening!

[What you thought I’d actually come up with something? Silly people.]

[Now we really open in Delmore’s room]
Scottite: I’ve just had a brainstorm!
Boozite: Hey did we start over?
Everyone else: [Smacks him]
Delmore: Start spilling your guts.
Scottite: I’d rather just tell you the plan. I don’t have guts remember?
Delmore: Oh yeah that’s right.
Scottite: First off I’m gonna need more then one flunky. About three should do it. Then we basically raid every electronics store in this district, make off with the TV’s and kick around the little sailors when they show up.
Jasminite: Notice that we’ve completely changed the dialogue. That’s called ad-libbing.
Scottite: We’ll have more irreverent facts as the series goes on.
Delmore: We now return you to your regularly scheduled bad parody.
Boozite: [belch]
Scottite: And now the wheel of flunkies! [Gives the wheel a spin. It lands on a space marked Cannon Fodder. He shots it and out comes a big critter with a large bulls eye on its chest. He spins the wheel again and it land on a space marked Freak show. Again with the shooting and out comes a very confused looking thing with its face on its stomach and a third arm growing out of its neck. One final spin brings it to a space marked Gun Runner. When that one gets shot out pops a purple critter dressed like a biker unless you count the fact his right arm’s a shotgun]
Jasminite: Crap I haven’t seen anything like that since the last time I dropped acid.
Smackite: That was about 5 minutes ago.
Jasminite: 4 but whose counting?
Scottite: Okay you dips coming. We’ve got TVs to collect.
Cannon: Well at least we’re stealing something valuable.
Scottite: You obviously don’t know the kinda stuff that’s on TV. these days. And away we go!
Delmore: And now a totally gratuitous bathtub scene.
Jasminite: I don’t think that’s for a couple of episodes yet.
Delmore: It’s not I just thought I’d tease the fanboys a little. Actually we’ll just cut to the first store our guys are raiding which the scouts are, by some amazing coincidence, across the street from.
[Cut to the Scouts (or at least the inners) walking down the street]
Raye: Hey you noticed we’re getting less and less airtime?
Serena: We are?
Lita: That’s what you get for asking her.  [Large explosion]
Mina: What the…
Amy: Either war’s been declared or they’re starting early today.
Serena: Okay let’s do the usual. [You all know what happens here right? Anyhow after the stock footage all the Scouts run to the store which Scottite and the Flunkies are just emerging from]
Scottite: Crap all this work and no one thought to bring a truck?
Gun Runner: Hey wadda ya want? We ain’t gonna last to the credits.
Fodder: [Notices the scouts] Well if that don’t beat all…
Sailor Moon: [Starts in with her usual speech. However she has to cut it short when Gun Runner starts shooting at her]
Runner: Ever notice that no villain in anything Japanese can shoot straight?
Scottite: I know what ya mean…Oh well. [Pulls a couple of swords out of nowhere.] And now something that really doesn’t make any sense. [Tosses the swords. After he throws them they split into about 16 swords but somehow not one of them hits] Me mother told me there’d be days like this….
Fodder: This the part were we’re supposed to stand around and get killed?
Freak show: Hey don’t I get a line anywhere?
Scottite: No to both questions. We’ve got to fill up some more airtime. [Fodder shrugs and starts throwing glowing targets, Gun Runner just keeps blasting away, and Freak show basically just stands their and mutters something about getting a new agent. After a time the Scouts start fighting back but the villains, except for Fodder who gets plugged in the chest immediately start dodging around again.]
Serena: Damn their refusing to follow the script again.
Voice: World Shaking! [Uranus’s standard attack blast on by and wipes out Freak show and Gun Runner]
Uranus: Sorry we’re late we: [Choose your favorite
A. Had to stop for gas.
B. Were waiting for a dramatic moment
C. Were too stoned to move
D. Got our tongues stuck…Again.]

Sailor Mars: Does that last one happen a lot?
Neptune: You’re breaking the fourth wall again.
Scottite: Pardon me villain still here.
Uranus: Not for long. [Pulls out her sword and charges him. He raises his arm when she swings and the sword connects causing a metallic clang] I don’t think that’s supposed to happen…
Scottite: [Laugh] That’s right. You see I is a cyborg. [All on the sudden a bulky backpack appears on him. A hose from the pack attaches itself to his arm with turns into a large metal claw. A scanning device appears (one of those small screen in front of the eye jobs)] Allow me formally introduce myself. They call me Techno Scottite, Scumdog of the Neo Negaverse. And now I kick your ass! [Opens his claw and grabs Uranus’s head in it. Grins and kicks her a couple of times before throwing her into Neptune.]
Neptune: The first person to make a joke about me falling for her dies.
Jupiter: Oh well looks like this fights gonna last a little longer then usual. [Tosses off her attack but Scottite knocks it away with his claw]
Scottite: Sorry but I’m not quite dumb enough for that. [Teleports next to her and catches her head the same way he did before but this time he squeezes. Or tries to anyhow] Damn I’ve heard of having a thick skull but this is just stupid! Oh well I’ll take ya for a spin anyhow. [Spins her around a couple of times then lets go. She ends up nailing Mars and Venus] Hey three for three. [A rose smacks him in the noggin] Damn hippies!
Tux: Yes I actually do have a roll in this series.
Mars: Damn he healed fast.
Moon: I do know a few things about physical therapy.
Scottite: There’s another one for the older viewers to mull over a little. Anyhow I think it’s time for me to bugger off for no identifiable reason. And now a little something I learned from final fantasy 3….or was it 6 I can never keep that shit straight…Oh hell. Anyhow I’m gonna flash ya. [Pulls out the appropriate machine and let’s em have it] And now I shuffle off to buffalo. [Disappears]
Moon: What the hell was that?
Mars: A way to burn up airtime I think.
Jupiter: Works for me. Now come on let’s go watch Gundam.
Venus: Anything to get away from this script. [Cut back to Delmore’s place]
Delmore: Well that was….weird.
Scottite: Yeah but at least we got the TV’s this time.
Delmore: Good point. Come on let’s watch beast wars.
Jasminite: Fine with me.
Scottite:  It’s rough getting good reception out here…Goodnight all.